You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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