You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
