in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
The police scanner is talking about you again....
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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