You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
