This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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