i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize