I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
