I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
