I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Randomize
