Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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