I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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