Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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