Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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