I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
