you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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