did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
