I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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