I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
