Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
