Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I have feelings that need drinking.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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