what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
This show inspires me to have sex in space
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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