I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
