return my video game
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
