Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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