I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
