I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
