What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
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