Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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