My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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