I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Randomize
