idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
