We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize