sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
