She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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