I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
