I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
i now understand why vodka
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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