During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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