I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Randomize
