bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
