it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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