we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
