I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
