He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
