he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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