someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
