We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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