he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
