Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
