How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
