i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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