I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
