I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
