I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
