I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
