do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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