and my herpes radar will keep us safe
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Randomize
