Well apparently he's into motor boating.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
