I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I need water and some morals
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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