Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
