We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
