Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
