Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
