so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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