so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
