I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
