Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
i believe in u and ur pee
Randomize
