you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
