dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
