Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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