I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
